Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Should these things piss me, or just when I have PMS, or doesn't it matter?

  • When my husband paints……but did not ask me to OK the shade of white he picked.

  • That people thing white has different shades for that matter. I mean SERIOUSLY?!?! Dark white, light white, tan white, linen white, what the hell? Why are people so afraid of color?

  • When my pants suddenly get tighter. I know I am not getting larger so how the hell are they getting smaller when all they are doing is hanging out in my closet waiting for me to put them on? Maybe I should not keep my work pants next to my sexy skinny going out pants, maybe the sexy pants are a bad influence. 

  • When people put their feet on pillows. That is where my HEAD goes, and I sure as hell don't want my head near your smelly feet. 

  • When fat people are in the olympics. Oh, you don't believe me? check out this website, I will wait…..
SERIOUSLY! That guy with the glasses looks like this is his only social activity (which I gotta say is not terrible, and maybe saying he is an olympian will get him laid). These people do not look like they are in the best shape of their life. Well, ok, maybe they are in the best shape of THEIR life, but compared to the real athletes who are women why are so buff they no longer have boobs they have a LONG way to go. How do I get involved in this "sport"?

  • Going to victoria secret really pisses me off. I really do not think this one is PMS. I mean you walk in and are accosted by way too perky women (though today also by a man who I do not think was working their to pick up chicks if you know what I mean, not that there is anything wrong with that…..). Every damn sales associate (or as I like to call the poor sorority girls who need to work to support their pill popping vodka drinking weight loss plan) have to check on you every 2 minutes. I mean REALLY??? Do they think that I have never shopped for underwear before? Or that their underwear is SO complicated that I need special help picking it out? If it is really that complicated I do not want it. Oh and the tape measures, they are always running around with their tape measures attacking you and trying to feel your boobs. Do I look that horrible that it can clearly be seen through my clothing that I totally am wearing the wrong bra and their magical tape measure will transform me into a new women? And what the hell is up with this outfit, what is the belt(?) for? To squeeze in your fat? How is that even sexy?

  • When my husband wants me to go to the store with him to just stand there and look pretty. Listen, if I do not want anything from that store and I do not feel like shopping why the hell do you to drag me with you to twiddly my thumbs when I have far better things to do. Don't you know I will get pissy later and many other seemingly stupid things you do will just piss me off? 

No comments:

Post a Comment