Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Curly hair is complicated, but Justin it is OK to be straight

Last night, I had a TRAUMATIC experience. So I wonder into Sephora. I had gotten their deluxe sample package of hair products a few weeks ago and was in LOVE with one of the products. It was in this small brown spray bottle and was some type of oil you sprayed into your hair when it was dry, helping revive your curls and get rid of frizz. I walked into the store with my friend (or who I thought was my friend) and we began to look for it. A very nice, flamboyantly bald (should have been my first clue) gay man asks if he can help me. 

I describe what I am looking for and he asks me to sit in a lounge chair (should have been my second clue) and wait for him. I decline and my friend (or so I thought) and I continued to search while Justin finished helping another customer. Not finding my product he eventually comes back over to me and offers to get me my product. He bolts around the store grabbing random hair products (should have been my 3rd clue) and makes me sit on a stool, but on the stool not in front of the mirror (should have been my 4th clue). At this point my former friend is no where to be seen leaving me to fend of the wanna be bald hair dresser myself. Justin sprays some vitamin crap in my hair and then begins to FINGER COMB MY DRY HAIR! (should have been my 5th clue). As he is finger combing it, tugging out clumps of hair, the curly tendrils are all tangled up in his fingers but he is oblivious. He then sprays some of this, some of that, then he douses my hair with dry shampoo, HALF A CAN (should have been my 6th clue). He then douses my hair with HALF A CAN OF VOLUMIZING HAIR SPRAY! (should have been my 7th clue, and why doesn't my spell check recognize the word volumizing, I am not spelling it wrong, google agrees with me). WHO USES VOLUMIZING HAIR SPRAY ON CURLY HAIR?!?!?! (please keep in mind that had I not already had a plan in place to wash my hair the next morning and was mildly amused by this bald creature or I would have stopped this long ago, but I was hopeful, who doesn't want a new fabulous hair product that will finally get rid of the frizz??). Justin then proceeds to tell me I am looking like Mariah Carey (he clearly has never seen a picture of Mariah). 

I ask him where the product was that I was looking for (isn't that why I am sitting here going through this) and he grabs some random bottle off his counter and sprays it in. I tell him it is not what I am looking for and he says this is better (which it is NOT). He then stands me up and holds a mirror out for me to look into (too bad he is holding it at an angle where all I can see is the floor). I catch a glimpse of myself and I now have an afro. I explain that I want him to show me where the product is I am looking for and he tells me I must have purchased it at another store! WHAT??? I KNOW I got that product recently in THIS Sephora in my deluxe product bag.

He just shrugs and wonders off. Mariah Carey has good hair, this my friend is no Mariah Carey hair. 

I leave thankful I have a rubber band handy purchasing nothing, but later finding the product I was looking for online and glad to know that of course Justin was wrong, I was right and proving that flamboyant Justin MUST be a closet straight man. A real gay man would never make a women look like that………I wonder if I can stage an intervention for him. "Justin, it is OK. We know you are straight. It is OK for a man to be attracted to a women and to not understand women's hair. It is obvious you had to shave your head when you accidentally screwed up your own hair beyond repair."

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